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Scarlet Letter: Oct. 7, 2016

Ethan Giles, Editor-in-Cheif

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Devin Clarke (‘17) is a phenomenal human being and a personal friend. He is kind, warm, and hilarious. I often enjoy his company, which is what makes the following so difficult to write: Devin Clarke has no common sense.

I say this because of a discussion Devin and a few friends had about two weeks ago. During a dinner party, Devin broadcasted to the table that he believed he could outrun a bear. Yes, a bear, which has an average speed ranging from 25 to 50 miles per hour.

The patrons at this dinner party repeatedly questioned Devin’s logic, explaining to him that he could not physically run that fast. Devin defended himself saying that while he was not faster than a bear, he could use angles in the forest to outsmart the bear and get away.

Somehow Devin has not put together that he does not know the intricacies of a forest better than a bear, and that just because a deer had a chance of outrunning a bear that does not mean that he could. He argued this for upward of thirty minutes, only willing to admit defeat if we could get Bill Nye to weigh in on the matter. Multiple tweets directed to Bill Nye on the subject were met without a reply.

So, if you see Devin, please tell him he is wrong about this. If you use Twitter, feel free to send a disparaging 140 character explanation of science to @D_C_Chillin. And, most importantly, if you personally know Bill Nye, please nudge him to respond to the tweets.

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Scarlet Letter: Oct. 7, 2016