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Please do not include me in your Public Displays of Affection (PDA).
Let me explain. It happened last semester, during Thanksgiving in the Café (also known as Cafes-giving). This meal is by far the best dinner served by the café all year, and as I am an off-the-meal-plan senior, my friend offered to swipe me in. We arrived and grabbed the first table we could find, which was coincidentally the first table, closest to the popcorn machine. We put down our bags, with me sitting on the side facing the pizza, grabbed food, and began to eat. At this point, all was well.
About halfway through our dinner, a couple sat at the booth next to us. I recognized the guy, as I had a class with him sophomore year. I remembered that he was a senior as well, so I figured that this couple was here for cafes-giving, just as we were.
Enough time went by for my friend and me to finish eating. Strangely, I realized that this couple had not gotten up to get food. This was the first issue. Why would you go to the café during cafes-giving — the busiest meal in the café all year — and take up a booth with only you and your girlfriend (I assume) that can fit six or seven people if you try hard enough, and then just sit there and not even eat? I wondered this, but didn’t dwell on it.
My friend and I got up for dessert and went back to our table. As I was eating my slice of peanut butter pie, something started to happen. This guy started kissing his girlfriend. First on the mouth, then on the cheek, then on the forehead, and more. Interesting venue, but whatever.
Then it got weird. His eyes were open as he was kissing his girlfriend. Now, there are a few issues with this. First of all, why are your eyes open while you’re kissing your girlfriend? That’s a pretty big red flag in my opinion. But what was really unsettling was that he was staring at me, making direct eye contact as he was kissing his girlfriend. I tried to look away, but he was directly in my line of vision, so it was kind of difficult and awkward to be looking anywhere else. Each time I looked back, we made direct eye contact. Let me remind you, I know this person fairly well.
The moral of this story is PLEASE don’t involve me in your PDA. It’s kind of haunting and slightly traumatizing. Also, to couples in general, why are you so in the way all the time? Is it more romantic by the forks in the café or in the middle of the AC? Please move three feet to either side. I do not wish to be personally involved with your love life.