The student news site of Clark University

The Scarlet

AC Gals Quiet, Student Grades Soar

Celine Manneville, AC Gal

April 6, 2017

Filed under April Fools

On any normal day, students in the Academic Commons (AC) would be lucky to get twenty minutes of “indoor voices” from the AC Gals. Composed of Nora Turok (‘17), Audrey Dolan (‘17), Arlynn Baer (‘17), and The Other One ...

One Student Knows How to Use Smart Buy Plus

Celine Manneville, AC Gal

April 6, 2017

Filed under April Fools

In a surprising turn of events, one student has come forward, claiming they fully understand how to use Smart Buy Plus (SBP). Kelly Harrison (‘20) revealed the news on Monday in a post to the Clark University Class of 2020 ...

SPOC Registers Early

Celine Manneville, AC Gal

April 6, 2017

Filed under April Fools

In an email sent out by President David Angel, it was revealed that members of Science Fiction People of Clark (SPOC) have been granted access to register for classes early. In the email, which was mistakenly sent to Steven P...

New Political Club Forms on Campus: Socialist Alternative Alternative. Formerly known as Republicans of Clark

Alika Gillard, Pasta Chef

April 6, 2017

Filed under April Fools

Students have been noticing something different lately as they try to ignore the student groups on their way to the caf in the University Center. During the lunch and dinner periods, clubs station themselves on the sides, giving...

Prospective Clarkies Excited to Major in Cultural Studies and Communication

Ethan Giles, Professional Journalist

April 6, 2017

Filed under April Fools

Many admitted students eagerly walked into Clark last weekend to learn more about its exciting Cultural Studies and Communication (CSAC) major. “I really want to major in communications, and when I was looking into schools a...

Clark Event Evokes No Protest

April 1, 2016

Filed under April Fools

Student leaders and administration expressed utter shock when last week’s event, entitled “All-Inclusive Dialogue about Digital Photography” went off without a hitch. The dialogue, an hour-long affair held in Jefferson 3...

The Doodle Heard Around the World

April 1, 2016

Filed under April Fools

In last week’s edition of The Scarlet, our own Ethan Giles (‘17) entered his work for the new section “Doodle of the Week.” Without even the common courtesy to capitalize his own name, Giles miraculously won, showin...

CUSC Holds Meeting Without Single Member Resigning

April 1, 2016

Filed under April Fools

This week’s Clark University Student Council (CUSC) meeting provided a stunning result: not a single member resigned. Most meetings this year have seen at least one if not two or three members step down, but not a lone member...

CU Tag Participant Drowns from Lethal Water Gun Blast

April 1, 2016

Filed under April Fools

Barbara Bittenhouser (’19) thought she had another routine tag after advancing to the third round of CU Tag. She pointed her dolphin-shaped water gun at her target, Daniel Craiggerson (’17) and pulled the trigger, only to ...

Clarkies Write in Bernie Sanders as CUSC Off-Campus Representative

April 1, 2016

Filed under April Fools

CUSC elections are known for their surprises, but this one takes the cake. In a stunning turn of events, Clarkies wrote in United States presidential candidate Bernie Sanders to serve as off-campus representative. Sanders...

The student news site of Clark University
April Fools