CUSC Holds Meeting Without Single Member Resigning

This week’s Clark University Student Council (CUSC) meeting provided a stunning result: not a single member resigned. Most meetings this year have seen at least one if not two or three members step down, but not a lone member decided to yield their position this week.

“I was stunned,” said President Alpha Bet (‘17). “A few of my friends and I bet on who would resign this meeting. Turns out we were all wrong.”

“Once we got through approving last week’s minutes I thought we might have a chance,” said Secretary Johnny Blasts (‘18), “but I didn’t truly believe it until the meeting officially ended.”

When Elections Committee Chair Que Carrera (‘18) stood up, the room prepared for his resignation. “We all thought he was leaving. I was getting ready to take his spot before resigning next week,” said Doug Gandle (‘17). But Carrera did not resign, and instead stated that the prior week’s Meme of The Week “went well,” which brought a collective sigh from the room.

After Judiciary Committee went through their spiel for the week, the room grew silent, waiting for someone to step up and quit. “We sat there for a solid half hour, assuming someone who was planning to resign had fallen asleep or something,” said Vice President Chocolate Potato (‘18), “but no one said they wanted out.”

After the half-hour wait, they proceeded with the rest of the meeting, ending with grants as usual. Once the meeting adjourned, the entirety of CUSC stood up and applauded each other for getting through it without a resignation. “It was such a triumphant moment for all of us,” said Treasurer Polio Vaccine (‘17). “There was not a dry eye in the crowd.”

“I would like to say that this will be the standard going forward, but I don’t actually believe that,” said Bet. “I’m sure the lack of resignations this meeting will lead to more resignations next week. Who knows, maybe we won’t have anyone in the club in a month.”