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The Scarlet Letter [9/19/13]


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9/19/2013

Behave Yourselves

by Jeremy Levine

This has gotten absurd. I’ve been willing to deal with a little frustration here, some confused newcomers there, but there has been a recent epidemic of common-sense illiteracy in the cafeteria that forces me to end my silence. Let’s talk about how to behave yourself in the Caf.

The class of 2017 is the largest class Clark University has seen. The Caf is not that big. We need to be economical in our use of space. Big tables are for big groups. Little tables are for little groups. Counters are for groups of two or parties of one. This way, we all end up fitting.

Now let’s move on to the buffet, which is apparently challenging.

I hate peppers. The buffet, however, is not the place for me to try to spelunk through the dish at hand and make sure that the helping I take is completely pepper-free. Just take a scoop of the food, move on, and take out the yucky parts (read: peppers) at your seat. Keep the line moving.

In terms of keeping the line moving, don’t stand in the doorway between the buffet area and the seating area. Just, why would you do that? There’s a lot of stuff going on there: people going back for extra food, people trying to get condiments, people going to sit down, people getting silverware, people trying to get some cream cheese. The panini press has (mercifully) been moved, but that does not mean that we can all just start squishing in there like it was a room in Sanford on a Friday. Keep the lanes of traffic open.

Speaking of keeping doorways clear, composting is ludicrously easy now. In my day, (like a year ago) we all had to sort all of our food and napkins and such before putting our dish on the conveyer belt. Now we just drop our plates there and call it a day. That said, why in the name of Freud would you dillydally at the conveyor belt? Just separate your silverware, drop it in the detergent (but don’t let it splash, come on), and put the rest of your stuff on the belt.

Also, this is not an opportunity to recreate the Sears Tower using only cups. We are not playing clean-up Jenga, we’re busing our tables. The conveyor belt does not have to be as precarious as everyone makes it. Because then when it falls over and splashes backwash-infested fluids all over some poor student, you are responsible for all sorts of misery.

Don’t be that guy.

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The student news site of Clark University
The Scarlet Letter [9/19/13]