This story was originally published in print, on April 9th, 2024, in the Satire Edition of the Scarlet, the Shartlet.

The Lego Movie is truly one of the most terrifying movies I have ever seen. This unique twist on the haunted doll trope dares to ask: What if the tainted toys could interlink, creating a system more capable than the sum of its parts in an effort to break free of its inanimate shackles? 

The deeply unsettling themes of this film are more disturbing than the screams coming from outside of the door telling me to “give back my computer” and saying, “don’t you dare send that to the editors.” Truly frightening. 

The most hair-raising moments of this movie were when the Lego figures would eerily sing their songs. “Everything is Awesome”? More like everything is lost.