This story was originally published in print, on April 9th, 2024, in the Satire Edition of the Scarlet, the Shartlet.

Mia Thermopolis, a sophomore living in Dodd Hall, heroically fought the laundry war in her building, but sadly lost. During the first battle, The Washer put up quite a fight, spraying water and turning on and off – wounding Thermopolis. But, Miss Thermopolis was ultimately able to win the battle against The Washer, and was ready to move onto the final battle against The Dryer. Mia fought bravely, but due to trauma from the first battle she eventually lost; time had a secret alliance with Laundry, adding more time to The Dryer and their soldiers. After recovering, Mia was able to interview with the Shartlet, stating “I didn’t have to deal with this sh– in Genovia,” referring to her hometown castle – where the Laundry War was only a myth.