I feel as though I’m enamored with the idealized version of someone I met only once, barely know, and have never seen again. I know it’s wrong to have such a fixation on someone who is in essence a complete stranger, yet I can’t help but look at them with longing and adoration. How does one let go of a love that never truly began, and that may not even be classified as love at all?
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Dear Overbearing Otter,
Who said it was wrong to have such a fixation? As long as you’re not stalking this person, it sounds like a harmless infatuation. Crushes are fun! People contain multitudes — you can know you’ll never be together and also fantasize about how beautiful and perfect your life would be!
When the person is at Clark, I like to (very originally and creatively) refer to them as my campus crushes. I know nothing about them; names, majors, class standing, nothing!!! It makes it so fun and exciting to see them – there’s no way they can disappoint me! If they’re in my class, I might try to ask smarter questions or dress a little sharper. And there’s nothing wrong with that!
At the end of the day, it really is all just for me. They’re just cutely-shaped motivators. It’s not about them, but if I’m bored in class and need to daydream? There they are!
Accept that the love might never become real, and thank goodness! No disappointment, no tears, just happy fantasies and positive side effects.
xoxo, Miss Guided
My roommates/close friends got into a major fight and it’s been impossible to talk to them. They refuse to talk to me in person, only use messages to be mean and even ruined my birthday for Pete’s sake. Problem is whenever I try to talk to them they treat it like a legal procedure instead of, you know, A Conversation. It’s been impossible to live with them and not get harassed. I’ve been working through it with the school but I’d love some advice from another student. I have a few more weeks until graduation; any tips on how to either get them to act like adults or at least feel comfortable in our apartment again so the rest of my senior year can be peaceful?
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Dear Lone Soldier trying to give peace a chance,
This sounds so hard. I’ve had roommate issues in the past and they are not fun whatsoever!
First, check in with yourself and your roommates about boundaries; have they been set? Have they been respected? It could be time for all parties to sit down and go over what boundaries need to be in place for a safe and comfortable living situation.
Bringing up issues can be difficult, as asking more of your roommates might mean owning up to your own flaws as well. Living with other people is HARD, no matter who it’s with, and it takes a willingness to listen, but to also talk to each other when shit hits the fan. You deserve to feel safe in your house, as do they. Everyone has flaws, and they sometimes irritate some people more than others. Accept what you can, bring up what you can’t.
If this work isn’t done, things won’t get better. Peace won’t magically appear; it needs to be worked at. If all else fails, don’t force friendship at the expense of your housing. Keep your head up, and try to survive these last few weeks.
xoxo, Miss Guided
Over the last couple months I (21m) have developed a crush on my singing instructor (25f). The few friends I’ve told this to have given me the same response of “shoot your shot”, which is very much not the answer I want to hear. One on one singing classes are already pretty awkward for me and I am moreso looking for the kind of advice that will get me out of my own head around her (since the whole point of these classes is to get more comfortable with my own voice). Plus she’s really cool and thinks I’m cool so I don’t wanna mess this up, what do I do?
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Dear M,
It’s totally normal to admire a slightly older, accomplished, cool person. It happens! We’ve all been there, in some capacity.
Focus on yourself and your singing, and figure out what role you want her to play in your singing journey. You could use this infatuation as motivation to really improve as a singer. Working hard to impress someone you admire is not a crime (and looking bad in front of them isn’t either). She already thinks you’re cool, so you’re good! You’re there! Her job is to help people get better, so keep showing up as your best self, and the rest will fall into place.
Practice makes perfect!
xoxo, Miss Guided
Hey diva, there’s this guy from my class who I want to get to know more. How do I talk to him without coming off as a weirdo? I followed him on insta but don’t know where to go from there
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Dear Weirdo Who Wants to Talk,
Since you already follow him on Insta, I’d suggest messaging him asking something about the course. You could start off with a little “Hey! I’m in X class with you, and I’m confused by…” Hopefully he’ll respond and help you with your (manufactured) problem or question. Throw in a couple jokes here and there, and try to feel out his vibe. It might be a little awkward, but we all tend to be when talking to someone new. After some conversation, you can try to walk out of the classroom at the same time and thank him again, and let the conversation flow from there.
Thankfully, you can’t really be a weirdo this way. When you take the conversation past class stuff, just make sure he’s also into it. If he’s not, just thank him and move in.
I hope it goes well. If it doesn’t, I promise it’ll all be okay. Classes are almost done.
xoxo, Miss Guided
I don’t know your sexuality, but I need advice on how to have good lesbian sex. I don’t want to disappoint my new girlfriend.
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Dear Scared Sapphic,
Does anyone really know?
Anyway, no lesbian should have to carry the weight of good lesbian sex all on their own.
Sex is a lot better when you can talk about it with the person you are doing it with. These things can be awkward, but communication shows you care about what each other wants. You both deserve to feel good, and it’s going to take some time to figure out what that looks like for both of you. Every person is different, so good lesbian sex looks different for each couple.
Be brave, be honest, be vulnerable. It will come with time, and so will your girlfriend.
xoxo, Miss Guided